Lilypie First Birthday tickers

Lilypie First Birthday tickers

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

This week

The Ritz's sent us an Easter basket this week that had these Easter bunny ears in there! Too cute! We are very excited for MJ's first Easter!:)

My numbers are on the rise and that always makes me feel so much better as the chance for transfusions and ER visits decreases. I am so happy when this third week comes up. Thank you all so much for your continued thoughts and prayers, I could not be this strong without your support and prayers. I appreciate each of you so very much! Mallory has been so much fun this week! She has been a rollie pollie all over the place- you set her down on her back and she is off before you can even snap a good pic of the the action! Our tummy time has turned into roll sessions, she will be crawling in no time! She also got her first taste of rice cereal this past weekend- she was not a big fan at first, but today she ate the whole serving! She is so stinking cute eating- she grabs the spoon and slurps it off the spoon! On Saturday we went driving looking for bluebonnets but there were none to be found! It is so dry here I guess they did not survive the drought. We did the drive up 290 to Brenham and then over to the I10 back down to Houston and saw none the entire trip. I was looking forward to getting cute pics of MJ with the flowers but maybe next year! On Sunday we drove down to Galveston to check out the beach. Aunt Janelle was here this past week and wanted to see it so we took her down there. We were not prepared to hang out on the beach we just found a secluded spot to park and walk around a little bit. It was super windy but super nice! Now I am super excited to take MJ there when chemo is all done and enjoy a weekend down there!:)

Friday, April 15, 2011

day by day

I hate day 1-16, each day is so unexpected on how I will feel and what I will be able to do. I hate being so debilitated and worthless. It is either the chemo itself that makes me sick or the numbers taking a dive to nothing that makes me exhausted and scared of every germ. I long for the third week day 17-20 where I feel "normal". I hate day 21 where I spend the day up at the hospital doing tests and meeting with the doctor preparing for the next cycle again scared out of my mind. I cry just because I feel so helpless to this disease and hate that I have absolutely no control on what this disease does to me. I long to be able to take a shower- a real shower with no shrink wrap on my body and water being able to run down without being hand held stream. I plan on taking so many when this is over and being in there until there is no more hot water left! I am still bitter about being forced to quit breast feeding and resent the fact that it might not ever happen again. I hate wearing a hat all of the time but my bald head is a bit alarming and I do not want to make others feel uncomfortable. I hate that I re-loose my hair with each cycle and long for the end where I can just watch it grow. I long for a glass of wine to take the edge off and just relax already!

Monday, April 4, 2011

weekend happenings

Mallory is now taking a binky! yes we are way late at this but she finally likes the binky. She used to act like we were gagging her anytime we tried to give it to her and she was not the least bit interested in that thing. Now she loves that thing. Justin is not very stoked about this because he does not want to deal with taking it away from her but I love that she can soothe herself with it for now.

She takes it out and is able to get it back in sometimes but most of the time it gets thrown around when she plays that game.
We got to go to the zoo Saturday morning, the first Saturday of every month they open early for zoo members. It was nice to walk around before too many people got there. We sported MJ in the baby bjorn, she fell asleep in it an hour into our morning but did not take too long of a nap to miss anything! I was worried about her getting too much sun so I lathered her in sunscreen but it ended up being a foggy morning so worried for nothing! We stayed at the zoo for a few hours seeing all the animals waking up and being released from there sleeping dens. We then went to a Mexican food restaurant by my mom's house for lunch that we have been saying we wanted to check out for years now and finally did that! It was ok ,but I do not think I want to go back there I prefer other ones over that one! It was such a nice day getting out and about its funny I will even "forget" I am sick on these good days. But I get the reminder with the CVC in place and taking temp and doing mouth rinses four times a day. Justin and I even got to go out on a hot date Saturday night to the theater! What a treat! Sunday we all went to church together and then went out to lunch. It was a great weekend and I love that I got to get out and enjoy it with my family!

I am getting anxious as I approach the third cycle in just a couple of days. I think my anxious energy comes from me just being ready to be done already. Just about on the downward slope though- almost half way there. I hate that the actual treatment days are so debilitating! But I am so thankful for our family and friends that fill in for me taking care of MJ without missing a beat while I am worthless during treatment. I have to do a CT scan and chest xray this time before the third cycle to check the areas in my lungs for any changes so I sure hope that goes alright. Thank you for checking in on us and your continued prayers throughout this. I keep giving all my worries to God, I know he is taking care of all this but I can not help being scared! Deep breaths, just one day at a time! xoxo~G

Friday, April 1, 2011

so many blessings

It is pretty easy to think of all the negative scary stuff that is going on right now but, when my head goes to this place I instead focus on all the wonderful blessings I have right in front of me. I trust in God and know he has a big plan in place that is so much greater than just me with cancer. God is good and works in wonderful amazing ways. I am blessed with getting to be at home with MJ. When Justin and I talked of starting a family we really wanted me to be able to stay at home. Then we had MJ and realized we could not financially only have one of us working, but now we are forced into this situation and I love that I get to be home with MJ right now. I treasure this time with her so very much. She is my daily support group that gives me the strength to make it each day with the right attitude! I love that Justin likes his new job and the people there that he is working with. I love getting to spend time with family and friends. We have been so blessed with having family and friends getting to stay with us to help out during this time. I love that MJ gets to know our family and friends while they stay with us. Cancer has definitely brought our family closer. I love that I have more good than bad days right now. I know I can only take each day as it comes but I am thankful it has so far just been the chemo days which have been debilitating. I love going to the hospital and seeing other people fighting the fight as I am with smiles on their faces too. There is so many people with all different types of cancer it is so encouraging just to see everyone there wanting to live. I love that I have a family to fight to live for and be with for many years to come. xoxo~G